Everyone agrees the alleged child rape and sexual abuse cases of former assistant coaches at Penn State University and Syracuse University are tragedies, if the allegations prove to be true. But not everyone agrees on who is most to blame.
The Penn State scandal has resulted in the departure of top officials of the university — including Joe Paterno, the larger-than-life ex-coach — under the logic that they had a legal or at least a moral obligation to move forcefully to stop the alleged sexual abuse by former coach Jerry Sandusky once they knew about it. But now the spotlight has been turned back on the man who brought the alleged abuse to light — former assistant coach Mike McQueary, who allegedly witnessed the abuse. Many are asking, "Why didn't he do more himself after he blew the whistle and the powers-that-be failed to follow through?"
It is fair to ask the question but people should not to be so quick to rush to judgment because anyone in McQueary's situation might have reacted the same way he did. We all would like to think that, had we been in McQueary's shoes, we would have made sure the abuse stopped immediately. But the truth is that a lot of us are just like Mike McQueary and would have acted — or failed to act — in the same way that he did.
It's very easy for us to sit back and judge, but some of us need to come off our proverbial high horses. It's sad but true that, in the aftermath of McQueary allegedly witnessing Sandusky performing sexual acts on a boy, McQueary was simply being a human being.
Most of us find it difficult to confront unfairness, injustice, abuse and other mistreatment that we confront in everyday situations as bystanders. That is why the RESPONSE ABILITY Project is launching the Every|Day Hero Campaign, a program designed to empower the everyday hero in all of us.
The goal of the Every|Day Hero Campaign is to empower people to do something about improving conditions they encounter in everyday life. We are all bystanders to certain situations that call for our attention and our actions. In those situations, we must take a risk and act. We must do something — or at least say something. Yet, too often, we do not.
Participants in the Every|Day Hero Campaign pledge to act or at least speak up in situations in which they confront behavior or actions that demand their intervention. The best way to make this world the place we want it to be — that it could be — is if everybody had the mindset, "I will be a hero." It could mean urging someone with a drug abuse problem to get help, intervening when a friend is drinking too much, or making it your responsibility to make sure justice is done when you witness abuse.
Acting in these situations is not just a matter of making us feel better; it can prevent tragedy. Text messages I have received from people attest to this:
- There was a boy in high school that I knew that was bullied a lot that I did not take part in, but I still didn't stop it. He just committed suicide two weeks ago and I can only think that if I had intervened maybe one friendship would have stopped him from taking his own life.
- This past May, I was at a party and witnessed a girl being date raped and didn't know how to respond, so I tried to ignore it even though I knew it was wrong.
- My friend had been talking about trying drugs, and a week later he was found dead by his parents from an overdose.
- I was with a group of my friends and we saw one of our other friends getting beaten by her boyfriend and none of us said anything about it.
- I allowed my best friend in high school to do drugs and didn't tell him to stop or even try to, and now he's in Florida in a rehab center because he can't stop using because his addiction is that bad.
- Two boys started to harass me after school one day. They grabbed me and started to drag me to their car. I was kicking and screaming and no one helped me. The boys were whispering that they were going to rape me and I begged people around to help and they didn't even look my way. They only stopped when someone honked up the block.
- This summer, my best guy friend killed his girlfriend who was my best girl friend. He had said things like, "I'm going to kill her" or "I'll kick her ass if..." I thought he was kidding and I never took it seriously. But now I feel like I could have done something to stop it. I have horrible survivor's guilt and don't know what to do.
I have many other text messages like these. They are examples of human beings not acting even though they wanted to because they were afraid of the consequences. It is not just the fear of being physically harmed ourselves, and even when that is a possibility there are safe ways to intervene, like contacting police. But, more often, we are afraid to speak up or to intervene because of the fear of our friends and family being judgmental. We go along with the crowd because it's easier than speaking up.
Mike McQueary was acting more like the rest of us than we would like to believe. But, as the text messages show, there is a price — to individuals and to society — when we fail to do or say something.
With training and encouragement, however, we can establish the mindset that it is everybody's responsibility to act. It is something we can — and must — do.
