What do you do when you know your friend or family member may have a drinking problem or is engaged in some form of substance abuse? This is one of the toughest and most covert issues that we need to address. You don't want to alienate them and you don't want to create mistrust within your environment. Here are some tips to assist them before their substance abuse problem gets out of control.
Don't judge
Whatever you do, you should never make judgments or statements such as, "You are always drunk," or "You're an embarrassment." While these statements seem cruel and harsh, people tend to make these statements in the heat of the moment or otherwise. Instead, use "I feel" statements instead of "you are" statements. This way, you are articulating the way their behavior impacts you.
Seek out support
The instant you realize that your friend or family member may have a problem, you should get in touch with the appropriate resources that can assist them. Remember, you are not a substance abuse or mental health professional. Your job isn't to make a diagnosis; rather, it is to gather helpful resource information and present it when the moment is right. Resources such as counseling services and alcohol/substance abuse prevention services are a good place to start. I suggest consulting the internet for valuable resources. Be sure and do your homework -- not every service out there is reputable and certified.
In their time
We've all probably heard the saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink." Well, the same is true for people, no matter how much we want someone to change or would like to help someone; they have to be willing to. It is not our decision. The best thing you can do for your friend or family member is to provide them with the necessary help, to listen, and be as supportive as possible. It's never easy to watch someone go down the wrong path, but as a supportive friend you can't force them, attend their pity party, or blame yourself. They will make the right decision when they feel the time is right.
Unfortunately, alcohol and substance abuse is a big problem. It would be to your benefit to get acquainted with the appropriate resources should the problem arise. It's not a matter of "if" there will be a problem; it's a matter of where to go in order to solve the problem. Prevention is the best cure.
A possible scenario
Here's the situation: You are at a social gathering and your friend has had way too much alcohol. So much so that they are not only making a fool of themselves but people are beginning to feel uncomfortable. As their friend and a bystander, what do you do? The following tips below will give you some helpful advice on how to diffuse the situation and reduce conflict/drama:
- First things first
Any person who has had too much to drink should be taken care of. How you go about assisting them will depend on different circumstances such as where you are, how much they've had to drink, and if they have had any combination of other drugs (illicit, over the counter, or prescription).
If you have also been drinking, you also want to consider if you are equipped to help out your friend. If you are not, the best thing that you can do is find someone who is sober enough to make the most responsible decision. If you think that there is any chance that the situation may be worse than expected, you should call 911. Regardless of the intoxicated person's attitude toward your decision, it is always better to play it safe.
- Be a snitch, be a friend
As a bystander, you may not be prepared to physically remove the person out of the situation. Perhaps they may get verbally or physically abusive. If this is the case, it is in your best interest to call the police or authorities if you feel like someone could get hurt (including the person who is intoxicated). I would utilize this option if you have tried other options like taking them somewhere else or pulling the person aside and talking to them.
Being a snitch is not considered "cool," especially if you are part of an organization. However, if you think things may get violent, it may be in the best interest of all parties involved to call the police. Besides, police officers are professionally trained to handle such situations. Believe it or not, things (especially when alcohol is involved) can quickly get out of control.
Yes, contacting local/campus authorities is not the multiple choice answer that you would pick in this particular scenario. However, you should always be mindful of the worst-case scenarios that can really get out of control. If you want to be a responsible friend, the best thing to do is to defuse it before it gets out of control. It could mean the difference between life and death.
While they may not realize it at the time, you are being a hero for them and their life.
The above has been adapted from blog posts written by Tawan Perry on the CampusTalkBlog.
